This is an important week:

August 25 is Kiss and Make Up Day!

Aug 26 is the Anniversary of Woman’s Suffrage.

I will talk about kissing and making up, first.

It’s a phrase mothers (and teachers) tell young children who have squabbled.  For them, the types of squabbles most often can be dealt with a kiss and make up.

However, for adults in serious relationships, is it always a wise solution to a problem?  Certainly not when there’s physical, emotional, or sexual abuse.

But, how about ordinary squabbles that men and women have with each other?  To answer this question raises another?  What is the purpose of making up?

Too often, couples think of making up as a way to forget something that has just happened and to move on.  Well, that works – when the something is not really relevant.  Arguing over which route is the fastest to get to the theater or whose responsible for leaving the house unlocked when they left for work – these issues are unimportant in the long run.  You will disagree, push your own point, think your partner is wrong. You will probably never agree or resolve the issue, but, life goes on;you know you will have lots more of these differences.

However, there are other issues where life can’t really go on, or at least can’t go on well, unless really resolved. One person has an affair, one has said something so hurtful that putting it aside will only stuff an anger that will smolder until it explodes – maybe even over something minor. 

So, kiss and make up when it doesn’t leave you feeling bad the next day.  But, if the next day you are still affected, take back the kiss and start talking.  After a really good talk Why Don’t You Understand? A GenderRelationship Dictionary has step-by-step guidelines for a Good Argument),you may want to do more than just kiss as you make up.  But, you have to do the hard work first –deal directly with the feelings.

And, here’s where acknowledging Woman’s Suffrage comes in.  True, August 26 is about getting the vote, but along with women getting the vote came women wanting more rights – in public life and at home.  Hence the Woman’s Movement of the ‘70s.  (For a great article about this, see

Ellen Goodman’s article)

If you are young enough, you won’t remember a time when it was not socially acceptable for women to speak up when they were unhappy in their relationships. Women may have nagged, but back then, they did it at the price of being seen as doing something “unwomanly.”   Back then, a woman did kiss and make upbecause that was the “right thing to do.”

Now, I’m hoping women kiss and make up – only after they have spoken up, expressed their feelings, stated their position, resolved the issue.

                     Happy August 25 and August26!