Today, among other topics, we talked about (among many other topics) being single.  Many (probably not all) single women give a lot of energy to their siblings, their nieces and nephews, their friends.  They may be called upon to do more for their aging parents because – they don’t have their only family.  The assumption is, therefore,they must have more time.

I imagine women don’t mind giving to those they love, but they may not notice if they are being given back to. The next generation gives back in their reciprocal love, but children are not expected to be nurturers of adults. But siblings and friends?  When you have a partner of your own, one who fills you with nurturance, you don’t notice how much you give out.  But often single women don’t have that partner. So, others may look towards you for strength, tasks, caring without being absolutely certain they give back. 

Just because you are single doesn’t mean your time is available for others.  It doesn’t mean you don’t also need replenishing for what you give out to others.

Non-singles really don’t get what some of the cores problems are about being single.  They may believe it’s only that you don’t have a man in your bed.  While that is true, it’s only the most obvious issue. If your friends and family don’t get it, it (unfortunately) is up to you to teach them.  Therefore, it’s up to you to know what are you not getting from them that you need.  You may be lonely, not just because there is no man in your but because you are not getting the attention, caring, loving from those you give it to.

Can't wait for our next luncheon, Lillian.

(Oh, and if you want to read more about what it means to be single and how to handle yourself in a society that is not especially giving to singles, check out my book on