Sometimes a song, such as John Mayer's, "Fathers be good to your daughters, daughters will love like you do," captures the reality, power and flow from childhood to adult love.  I see the intergenerational sweep of father-daughter relationships every day....   

For those of you, though, whose father has been so hurtful, you don’t want to reach out to him or you just want to give up on him, keep reading.

I often hear from women that their father preferred one of their siblings. Or he was drunk or mean to them. Or he totally ignored them, which may have felt even worse – as if their presence wasn't important in his life. These women tell me they longed for so much more.

Of course, you can't go back and redo childhood, but there is the chance to possibly make yourself feel better around your father, now, and a chance for him to make amends. Even those of you who now have a good relationship with your father may find you're sitting on feelings from the past that need to be cleaned up – without the risk of losing him again.

See my article on 5 Steps to Rebuild Your Relationship, on SheKnows.com. 

I take a different stand about forgiveness than many people.  I do not believe everyone has to forgive someone who has hurt you.  This article is about doing what you need to for yourself – that may (or may not), pay off by his appropriately apologizing.

So, what do I mean by appropriately apologize?  Just saying, “I’m sorry,” even “I’m so terribly sorry; I’m ashamed of myself,” is not sufficient.  This apology is about him.  He’s sorry for what he did to you.  An appropriate apology is about you.  His recognizing the effect on you for what he to you.  He needs to understand, truly understand what your experience has been, given his behavior.  He needs show real empathy for what you went through (and perhaps are still reacting to).  He needs to be sorry for the damage/hurt he caused you.

And, this can happen, although he may not know how to make it happen.  The article may give you some beginning clues, and then you can consider working with a therapist to help him learn how to appropriate apologize.