I love being a woman; it seems so much more fun and enlivening than being a man.  BUT, in growing up, we have been “trained” to behave in ways that are absolutely unhealthy for us.  I’m talking about being overly responsible, being too good.

Maybe you were lucky to have never learned these things; maybe you learned then but were lucky to have overcome them. 

Read the list below and see if any of them fit.  If no, consider yourself exceedingly fortunate; you have avoided female gender traps that have been passed down through the centuries. (Yes, I know; men have their gender traps, too.)

If you say yes to any on the list, you need to take stock.  Do you want to keep doing them?  Chances are, they’ve become so much a habit, so much a part of whom you are, you don’t even notice when taking more responsibility than necessary.

Recognizing OVER-Responsibility

1. You protect people’s feelings by not saying what’s on your mind
2. You have a hard time saying no
3. You assume you know what’s going on in another person’s mind and adjust your behavior accordingly
4. You feel guilty or angry if other people are upset
5. You feel you can’t ask for what you need or want
6. You feel it’s up to you to make people happy by giving them your time or attention
7. You do things for other people that they could or should do for themselves
8. You feel you should advise, direct, or comment on the way other people do things
9. In any family, work, group, or other relationship activity, you take on more than your fair share of the work.

If you choose to make changes, to give up being too good for your own good, be aware how that will affect others; your change will require them to make changes they may not want.  For example, not picking up your teenager’s clothes will require some shift for your child.  She will have to do it herself, not do it and suffer your nagging her, try to navigate you back to doing it for her.  The same will be true for things you do with the important men in your life, people at work, even your friends.

One of the exercises we do at Unique Retreats for Women Ready for Change is considering who will be affected if you give up doing more than your fair share, how these people will react --  at home and work.  We look at the cost of your keeping the peace and what you lose by being too good for your own good. 

It's great being a woman, but we need to remove the "trainings" that are not in our best interest.

(The above list was excerpted from: Too Good For Her Own Good: Breaking Free From the Burden of Female Responsibility, by Claudia Bepko and Jo-Ann Krestan, Harper & Row Publishers, 1990)