I met a friend for lunch recently.  Among other topics, we talked about  being single, including this:  Many single women give a lot of energy to their siblings, their nieces and nephews, their friends.  Living on their own, they have more time to think about who they want in their lives.  Living on their own, they may be called upon to do more for their aging parents because it is assumed they must have more time.

When you have a partner of your own, one who fills you with nurturance, you may not notice if how much you give out to others is reciprocated.  But when a single woman doesn’t have that partner, do you notice?  I imagine you don’t mind giving to those you love, but do you notice if they give back to you?  Children are not expected to be nurturers of adults, so your nieces and nephews may not.  But your siblings and friends?  Or, do others look towards you for strength, tasks, caring without being absolutely certain they give back. 

Just because you are single doesn’t mean your time is available for others.  It doesn’t mean you don’t also need replenishing for what you give out to others.

Non-singles (that is married people) really don’t get what some of the core issues are about being single.  They may believe it’s only that you don’t have a man in your bed.  While that is true, that is only the most obvious issue. If your friends and family don’t get it, it (unfortunately) is up to you to teach them.  Therefore, it’s up to you to know what are you not getting from them that you need.  You may be lonely, not just because there is no man in your life but because you are not getting the attention, caring, loving from those you give it to.

Can't wait for our next luncheon, Lillian.

You might want to consider the Unique Retreats for Women Ready for Change coming up in November.  There is a special section just for single women, looking at, among other issues, how to get your emotional needs met when there is no man in your life.

(Oh, and if you want to read more about what it means to be single and how to handle yourself in a society that is not especially giving to singles, check out my book on.  I also have a Workbook, with 30 fun, productive, thought-provoking exercises.)