Caring Women: Questions without Answers
We're women. Women are usually very caring people. I know I am. But, every now and then I feel awful. Like this afternoon. I passed a panhandler, probably homeless, who asked for money. I told him I was in a hurry -- which was the truth. But, when I was walking back to my car (oh shame, oh shame), I walked around the block so as not to pass him.
How do we decide when to give and when not to? Many times I do. But, I've also head from people who work in homeless shelters that it is not a good idea to give -- give your money to an agency, they have said.
But, it feels bad to pass people who are asking for something from me and not look them in the eye. It feels bad to say no when someone is asking me for something that I really can afford (for some individuals, not for everyone who is homeless).
How do you put the images of you together -- a caring woman who goes out of her way for others and the heartless woman who passes someone who needs money.
I know some friends do it by assuring themselves the panhandlers only want the money for wine or beer. I don't believe that, but then I had an experience with this once that was both funny and sad.
A young man asked for money, saying he was hungry. So, I walked with him to the near-by McDonald's. There was a long line. I waited for a while, chatting with him, but finally realized I had to leave. So, I gave him the money, leaving him in line. And, a few minutes later, while I was walking away, I turned back and saw he was out of the store going back to his corner.
I know, I know. Not everyone is a cheat. But, this leads back to my original dilemma: how to be caring, yet also decide when and when not to give to a homeless person? And, how to still feel good about myself when I decide not to give?
I'd love to hear your thoughts about this.
Posted by Karen Gail Lewis at 5/21/2011 2:11 PM 
Categories: women:Dr. Karen Gail Lewis
Tags: caring women
Categories: women:Dr. Karen Gail Lewis
Tags: caring women
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