Rita and Beth are two for the most un-alike people you could meet.  If they had met some where else, they would not even have looked at each other, to say nothing of not speaking.  Rita is 36, owner of a high-tech business; she talks fast, uses big words and assumes everyone else is not as bright as she.

Beth is a throw-over from the hippy days.  At 64, she wears long flowing skirts, no make-up, and works in a crystal shop.  The other women in the retreat joking called her “Granola.”

Both women are married.  Rita says her husband threatened by her accomplishments; he finds ways to belittle her or put her down.  “I’m successful in all parts of my life, so why have I put up with him?  I know I need to leave him, so I’m here hoping to find the strength to tell him the marriage is over.”

Beth listens carefully as Rita talks about her marriage.  She asks sensitive questions, raising possibilities for how Rita could speak up, do things differently with her husband.  She encourages Rita to not divorce, “without giving it really serious consideration.”  To which Rita snaps, “Of course not.  That’s why I’m here.”

Oil and water, these two.  Until … Beth shares bits about her life and her marriage.  She says she came to the retreat because on her next birthday, she will be the same age her mother died.  She’s not clear, but she thinks there may be something important for her.  She’s been dreaming about her mother a lot, lately. 

Her father physically abused her mother for years.  Beth understood her mother stayed because back then, she had no other options.  Later, as Beth offers comments to Rita and the other women about their relationships, it becomes clear she is non-assertive with her husband.  She never offers details.

She comes into the last session crying.  This is a surprise since she has been somewhat emotionally distant during the weekend.  “I have listened to you all talking, especially you, Rita.  I’m glad you decided your marriage was salvageable.  I listened over these days to how you need to speak up to him, how you are going to insist on marriage therapy when you get back home.  I know I came in saying my marriage was fine, but the truth is Brad is a brat. He’s emotionally abusive to me.  I owe you women a huge debt.  He was so much better than my father, so I thought I was lucky.  But listening to you, Rita, it’s become clear I don’t have to take his belittling and insults.  He humiliates me in front of others; I could go on and on.  Instead, I want to thank you because Monday morning, I’m calling a lawyer.  I deserve better, and I know he will not change.  I’m not afraid now.”

With that, she walks over the Rita and hugs her.   Rita grabs her in the hug, whispering, “Thank you, thank you for helping me own the softer side of myself, of seeing my husband differently.”

Strange and powerful things happen during a retreat.  Two such un-alike women have such a powerful affect on each other.  Rita came thinking she needed to divorce her husband and Beth had never even considered it.