If you were last single in your teens or twenties, forget everything you knew, or thought you knew about dating.  The world is different, women are different, and most importantly, dating expectations are different.

One of the biggest mistakes men make on the first or first few dates, according to single women, is talking too much.  From the women’s point of view, I hear, “He was so boring (dull/self-centered); all he did was talk about himself.”

After talking with so many single men over the years of my practice, what I suspect is they are trying to put their best foot forward. Or, they want the woman to know them.  They may think they are sharing.  They have no idea they come across as pontificating.

So, to help you men, here’s something to consider.  Based on my research about gender conversation, men do a Parallel Talk while women do a Verbal Tennis.

Parallel Talk is when one person talks about whatever he wants and the other listens.  This can be five minutes or 15 or longer.  When finished, the other then talks about whatever he wants.  The conversation goes along parallel lines, never/rarely intersecting.

Verbal Tennis is when one person hits the topic across the net and the other hits it back.  They go back and forth on that topic, until one hits it to a different part of the court.  Then they change topic, but continue hitting back and forth on that topic.

So, when men talk to each other, no problem.  They are comfortable and familiar with their talking pattern.   With married couples, the women may have just gotten used to the pattern and don’t judge the man by it.

When women talk with each other, no problem.

So, the only problem comes for you – trying to get back into the world of single women.

The other big problem for single men is they sometimes forget to ask questions.  Typically, research shows, men are less likely to ask questions about the other person.  Again, when talking with men, it’s not a problem.  But, with women, ask.  Find out about them by asking questions, not expecting them to tell you about themselves.  As so many men tell me, if a woman wants me to know something about herself, she’ll tell me.  Not necessarily, so don’t count on it.

So, here are two easy tips:

Play Verbal Tennis.  Ask questions, let her tell about herself.  Respond to comments she makes.  If you respond about something about yourself, don’t forget to get back to her; it was her tennis shot.