“The man is born twice:  Once by a woman who gives him LIFE, and once by a woman who gives him LOVE.  The first gives him HER LIFE and the second gives him HIS LIFE.”

I saw this quote by Khaled Hishma.  It’s catchy, for sure.  But, is it accurate, or more to the point for me as a therapist, is it emotionally healthy?

No doubt a mother gives her child (male and female) life, but must a mother give up her whole life to her children?  In the 1950s and earlier, that was definitely the expectation.  But gender issues have evolved since the Women’s Movement; women have found ways to be a good mother and wife, while still have a life for herself at work, as a friend -- as a female just for herself.

No doubt a woman can gives her love to a man, but here there are several aspects that go awry with this cute phrase.  Not all women give their love to a man; many to a woman and many are content without giving romantic love to anyone.

And, for sure, a woman who gives her man his life is in for big relationship trouble (as seen, in part, by the high divorce rate).  She can’t possibly be successful because no one can fill in the missing pieces for someone else.  He has to fill his own life; she can be an addition to what makes him feel good about himself. 

In the same way, no man can fill a woman’s life.  As I’ve said many times in my writings about single women, a man can only be the icing on her cake; she has to be her own delicious, substantial cake. 

Many women say they feel healthier when they are not involved with a man.  That’s because too often, they give up a piece of themselves in that relationship.  This is one of the many topics discussed at my women’s retreats – how to be in a relationship without giving up a part of yourself. 

So, this quote is cute to say, but fairy tales are cute too.  Unfortunately, they leave girls growing up believe in them, believing they must give up their life to a man.