2012-02-09T04:09:50Z http://blog.drkarengaillewis.com/comments/atom.aspx Quick Blogcast tag:blog.drkarengaillewis.com,2012-02-08:15890308 Karen Gail Lewis 2012-02-09T03:10:29Z 2012-02-09T03:10:29Z <span><br /> That is great.&nbsp; And, certainly well needed.&nbsp; And, your observation about me is actually wonderful!<br /> If I can be a resource or of assistance, don't hesitate to contact me.<br /> </span> tag:blog.drkarengaillewis.com,2012-02-06:15869908 Victoria Noe http://www.friendgrief.com 2012-02-06T16:50:22Z 2012-02-06T16:50:22Z <span> </span>I'm writing a book about people grieving the death of a friend: how they mourned and how their lives changed because of that experience. The most shocking thing to me, as I've interviewed people, has been the willingness of men to open up to me. They've bared their souls about how much they loved their friends. So much so, that there will be a second book, just about men grieving their buddies. Thanks for this reminder! tag:blog.drkarengaillewis.com,2012-01-16:15535293 B Hibbs http://www.trytoseeitmyway.com 2012-01-17T00:30:25Z 2012-01-17T00:30:25Z So true! I'd add, and how parents help siblings navigate sibling struggles, loyalties and rivalries that shape our experiences. The research on gender and siblings suggests that if you're a boy, better to have an older sister. If you're a girl...and have brothers better to be born first! Best, B. Hibbs tag:blog.drkarengaillewis.com,2012-01-03:14864609 Karen Gail Lewis 2012-01-03T23:10:58Z 2012-01-03T23:10:58Z <span>Losing a good friend, especially a long-time friend, is beyond words.&nbsp; And, what makes it worse, is that good friends are not "made."&nbsp; They grow and evolve over shared time together.&nbsp; I often hear from mid-life women how hard it so to make new "good" friends.&nbsp; Well, they are right.&nbsp; Hopefully, you will meet other women, but of course, none will ever replace her.<br /> <br /> I'm sure your comment struck a note&nbsp; in lots of other readers.<br /> </span> tag:blog.drkarengaillewis.com,2012-01-02:14835756 deb 2012-01-03T00:46:02Z 2012-01-03T00:46:02Z I also lost my best friend, who also happened to be my sister-in-law for 35 years, to a brain tumour. Very quick, but we did always talk, and when she got sick, nothing was left unsaid. I am lost without her and don't have any other friends, and I know I will never have another friend like that. Nobody ever had more fun than we did. Road trips, raising our children together and most of all shopping always and sharing our wine. Now I am drinking her share as well. It sure is lonely. I miss her. tag:blog.drkarengaillewis.com,2011-10-09:12030744 Karen Gail Lewis 2011-10-09T23:37:19Z 2011-10-09T23:37:19Z <span>Oh dear.&nbsp; That has to be just awful for you -- the suddenness, no preparation, and she was so young.<br /> <br /> I can see how it would shake any belief you have.&nbsp; You need to be kind to yourself (as she would want), and give yourself plenty of time to heal.&nbsp; It's only been a week, you say.&nbsp; Cry, think about her, about your experiences together, talk to people about her.&nbsp; Write, maybe even a letter to her (that, of course, you can't send, but she may know you are doing it), letting her know how special she has been.&nbsp; And, in time, you'll find a way to put her presence in your life into some perspective, to know what you will carry from her with you.<br /> <br /> And, what a lovely thing to say -- her heart gave out from having given so much love to others.<br /> <br /> You will get past this place you are right now.&nbsp; You will find a way to still incorporate her into your life.&nbsp; Do not, though, expect the grief to go away anytime soon.&nbsp; Months, maybe a full year.&nbsp; If you find yourself not able to take care of your daily life, seek out a grief therapist.&nbsp; That really can help cut the grieving time.<br /> <br /> But, remember, you owe it to her to allow yourself to grieve.<br /> <br /> One sad irony for me is that of all the hundreds of articles I have written, I have gotten more responses from the one about losing a best friend than all the others combined.&nbsp; If you haven't seen that, go to my blog and read some of them (and my comments). <br /> </span> tag:blog.drkarengaillewis.com,2011-10-08:12026371 Andrew 2011-10-09T04:45:56Z 2011-10-09T04:45:56Z Less than a week ago I lost my best friend. She turned 29 on Sept 15. Her cause of death was defined as heart failure. She had no underlying health issues. I was the last to speak to her and it is haunting me. She was always the one that I could tell anything to. I miss her with all my heart. I cant seem to get through this. I have lost any faith or belief in any god because if there were a true god, she would still be here. I dont understand why, with all of the drug dealers and child molesters and murderers, she was taken. She was the kindest, sweetest, most caring person. The only belief I have is she gave and gave from her heart and that her heart just couldnt hold out. Im never going to get past this. Please help. tag:blog.drkarengaillewis.com,2011-10-04:11962081 Karen Gail Lewis 2011-10-04T21:02:06Z 2011-10-04T21:02:06Z <span>Oh my, I can see how upsetting this has to be for you.&nbsp; Not just losing your best friend, having been with her just before she died, fielding calls from her mom (thinking you are being supportive to your friend), and on top of all that -- never getting to know what she was going to tell you.&nbsp; That's a lot for anyone, especially for someone who has never had to deal with the grief of losing a loved one.<br /> <br /> Do try the exercises, but I suspect you may want to find time to see a grief counselor.&nbsp; Even if you can't afford therapy, there are probably places in your town that offer grief counseling, hospital or client based.&nbsp; It's been 1 1/4 years, and if it's not getting any easier, don't drag on your pain.&nbsp; Seek professional help.<br /> <br /> Would keeping connected to her baby be a help to you?&nbsp; Or, would it be more painful?<br /> <br /> I am so sorry you have to have experienced this, and sorry you lost your best friend.<br /> <br /> &nbsp;Karen<br /> </span> tag:blog.drkarengaillewis.com,2011-10-04:11960843 Dannah 2011-10-04T12:02:42Z 2011-10-04T12:02:42Z <span> </span>My best friend of 6 years died at the end of last June. She was only 18 and I had just celebrated my 19th birthday with her just weeks before she passed away. She had just had a baby in January. We were best friends through puberty and growing up. We had spent the night before her wreck together, watching the midnight showing of Eclipse, from the Twilight Saga. The last things she told me were that she hadnt been sleeping that great and she told me that she had something important to tell me after the movie. I had dragged my boyfriend along to the movie, she brought her ex husband, the father of her baby with her. Five minutes before the movie was over she nudged me and told me they were leaving to beat the traffic. My boyfriend and I finished the movie out. I can still remember seeing their car drive by and leave. That was the last time I ever saw my best friend. <br /> The next morning I kept getting calls from her mom. I ignored them and texted her and told her to get her butt home. (see her mom thought she was staying with me). I tried calling and texting her and her ex, as the calls from her mom continued. Then I got a call from her sister, who said "Hey Dannah, Bre was in an accident and she didnt make it." My heart broke. But no tears fell. We talked a minute more then for some reason my mother came into my room and asked what all the commotion was about. I couldnt even get the words out to tell her. The next three days were a blur of tears, waterproof mascara and black. Even a year and a few months later I dont feel like im properly grieving. She was the first person that has ever died in my life. All four of my grandparents are still alive. Ive never lost anyone. And so unexpected and suddenly. I feel like I lost that one person who knew every single thing about me, I feel like she was my right hand. Im lost without her and I will never know what she had to tell me that night. Its tough, her baby was barely five months old when she passed away. She will never get to know how great her momma was, sure she will hear stories but she will never really know her. <br /> I cant wait to try out your little tips though. They are my last hope before therapy, so im crossing my fingers that they'll work cause I dont have time for therapy with school and work. Thankyou for this, I really needed to read it. (: tag:blog.drkarengaillewis.com,2011-09-08:11645454 Vickie 2011-09-08T13:55:26Z 2011-09-08T13:55:26Z Images of women in the media are so toxic that I try as much as possible to avoid them. I am sure you know the statistics about women and eating disorders, depression, disgust with our bodies, cosmetic surgeries. We are affected by these images in negative ways everyday and it shows in horrifying ways in our society.